We suffer because of our wants, desires and attachments. We want things to be different than they are, we want things to change, to be different, to be different than they are. Our current circumstance is unacceptable and we lack the power to accept things as they are, not as we would have them be. If only we had the power of acceptance we would feel so much better, but we try and we cannot succeed. The anguish, the pain and suffering continue.
Perhaps it is attachment that lies at the root of our suffering. Something or someone we love has been taken from us, and their loss is heartbreaking, we are devastated by the loss and we can’t seem to “just get over it”, to let go, no, we are totally consumed by the loss and it seems our suffering will not end.
When suffering, we worry, we ruminate, we play the tape over and over in our mind, if only I had done this or that, if only this or that had been different, I wouldn’t be suffering now.
Suffering just seems to be part of the human condition, so much so that Buddha said “life is suffering”. But why”? do we have to suffer or is their another option on the journey from cradle to grave? The answer is yes there is another option. Suffering is an unconscious choice, made by very powerful unconscious forces, rooted in our past, and seemingly beyond our control. Our suffering is not a result of the things that are happening now, no matter how tragic they may be. Our suffering rises up from the past and attaches to the present circumstances. All of us have suffered in the past, as little children and especially as infants. It is here that we can uncover the roots of our suffering. Everyone of us has suffered as an infant to some extent and it is the degree or extent of our suffering as an infant that determines our current state of suffering. You may have had the most loving parents, but being human they made mistakes, and their mistakes were wounding to the child, we are all wounded to some extent, we are all the wounded child. Unfortunately for some the wounding is profound and perhaps even deliberate, these traumatized souls are the most broken, the most wounded in our midst as a result of their childhood abuse. So all of us exist on a scale of wounding, ranging from very mild to extreme. The extent of our wounding or abuse, our childhood trauma determines our adult symptomatology or our pathology. Our childhood trauma is the source of our current suffering. Deeply rooted feelings, values, beliefs and expectations are rising up from our wounded child and attaching to our current situation. By journeying within and back to our childhood we can uncover the root causes of our suffering, but we must understand that this is not a blame game, blame, judgement and condemnation have no place in life let alone on the healing journey. In my case my parents grew up in England and survived World War 1, the Great Depression and World War II. They were both heavily traumatized people who then had me, and as a result of their trauma I too became traumatized. Understanding, empathy and compassion leading to forgiveness are the essential elements of healing. Many of you, like me may not have many childhood memories, our pain resulted in repression and our memories were deeply repressed into the unconscious as part of a psychological defense strategy employed by our ego. Do not be afraid that you may not be able to heal as a result of the lack of childhood memories, our symptomatology is sufficient for healing.
In my next piece I will examine and attempt to explain childhood trauma and it’s affect upon all of us